Sean Penn Starring as...

Sing along to the tale of our favorite Film Actor's Guild star...


Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, That started from this Gulf-state port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty actin' man, the Skipper brave and sure. Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour. A three hour tour. The boat started taking l'eau (What? You thought I'd write an entry on Penn without a french word?!), the tiny ship was double-crossed. If not for the "courage" of the clueless crew, the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost. The ship set ground three feet off shore, with Gilligan, Spicolli too, the Millionaire and his ex-wife (Madonna), another Film-Actor's-Guild star, the Professor (Mr. Hand) and Mary Ann (Robin Wright), here on Gilligan's Isle.

Poor Sean Penn. Federal authorities might have had a friggin' reason for warning people to not self-deploy to the region in order to provide their own brand of "help." This warning included Commodore Sean Penn!

Why would Federal Authorities tell us something like that, you ask?

Simple - to prevent incapable, unprepared and ill-equipped "helpers" from becoming victims in need of rescue themselves... like Mr. Penn, who - I'm sure - received help on the account of his skin color.

All together now: "Skin color, our ass!"

After the S.S. Penn's boat motor failed to start, the crew set sail under oar-power - sans clue - to deliver "aid" in whatever way they could. (Isn't it a little early for Comic Relief?!) Take note of our favorite Film Actor, however... he's bailing water from the Titanic with a plastic cup! In the midst of the Film Actor's Platfrom-o-"Aid" capsizing, he's not wearing a floatation device, but a virtual lead weight! That's a flak-vest he's wearing!!

Is he trying to die?!

Way to go, Gilligan!

Way to make yourself - as usual - part of the problem, Sean!

You sure have a strange way of kicking-off your 2008 bid for the Presidency...
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...by bailing it out!